It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas

So my sister and I watched one of our favorite Christmas movies yesterday and someone pointed out that The Ref may not be everyone's first thought when they want to get in the holiday mood. Truly? And I guess Scrooged isn't everyone's second choice either? Really, what I think is sad is that they haven't made a movie in the last fifteen years to top either of those on my holiday list.

Also I am sad that, despite the fact that I've managed to have two children, I am apparently a man.

I can pack anything anywhere. Well, given vaguely realistic space. I packed six dining chairs, a large coffee table, a six foot fake tree and various other garage sale prizes from three people (as well as the people) all into the minivan at one time. We didn't have to make a second trip or go back for anything. I've been told that's a man skill.

Given the choice between the tool department and the cosmetic counter, I'm headed for the tools. And 18 volt batteries. I drool.

I have been given jewelry for Christmas before. It's all in a drawer in the bedroom still in the original boxes. When I go to the hairdresser, my biggest concern is choosing a style that will still look alright if I forget to brush it or look in a mirror for a week. That is not unusual for me. And if I'm going to the bathroom, it's because I have to pee (or I got something in my eye and need to use the mirrors). It won't be because I want a semi-private chat.

Why is this a concern right now, during the Christmas season, you wonder?

It's because every time I get in the car the radio is telling me the best presents to get "her" for Christmas, and none of them sound interesting at all. And all this was compounded by that one commercial for a "better relationship" book that said that girls want to talk about their feelings face to face with lots of eye contact, but men prefer to sit side by side looking out at something when they talk.

Please no.

Why would I want to look you in the eyes when you try to rip my heart out. When I'm told I'm not good enough or did something wrong?

Oh, I don't get that one at all. But then everything else has been telling me I'm not a girl anyway, so I'll just assume they're right for some people. But why do they have to say girls?

Do they have to imply that I am wrong for being what I am? Are we really that different? Can't it just be that some people like to look each other in the face when they talk about serious things, some people like tools, some people like truck toy and other like pink plastic ponies (yes, I'm talking about you there, McDonalds, that one still bothers me). Some of us like Scrooged and some of us like It's a Wonderful Life.

Or maybe I'm just being overly sensitive. I get that way sometimes. As a girl, you know. I'm just saying that if I get jewelry for Christmas, I'm going to f%@# you up.

Well, maybe not.

I haven't been to the gym in a few months and I never learned to fight so I'd probably swing ineffectually while you easily held me off with a hand on my forehead until we both got bored, but you get the point. Tonight we get to watch Scrooged.